Recovering from Cannabis Addiction with Psychedelics, Mindfulness, and Hakomi.

A Relationship That Started Early
I built a strong relationship with cannabis at a young age. Growing up in Amsterdam, where coffeeshops were just around the corner, cannabis was always within reach. In my household, it was an accepted part of life. I remember sitting on my father’s lap as he smoked a small pipe with hasj after dinner. I loved those moments—feeling his warmth, the safety of his presence. Those memories are good ones.
But not everything in my childhood was safe. Around the age of five or six, my babysitter crossed boundaries in ways that no child should have to experience. At the same time, I was diagnosed with dyslexia. I struggled, but my struggles were mostly attributed to learning difficulties rather than something deeper. My parents, loving and supportive as they were, didn’t know what was happening. They did their best, but my silent pain went unseen.
At six, I started fencing. Looking back, it was a lifesaver. It gave me something to focus on, something I was good at, and a mentor who genuinely cared about me. It gave me purpose.

When Support Becomes a Crutch
Around the age of 13, I started smoking cannabis. It was just a short five-minute walk to the nearest coffeeshop, and I took full advantage of it. I did well in school—even high, I managed to get good grades. Sometimes, I’d even do my homework at the coffeeshop. It wasn’t just about the weed; it was the atmosphere. The people there were kind, open, and genuine. A Thai woman who worked there would sometimes even cook meals for my friends and me. Cannabis wasn’t just a substance—it was comfort, connection, and a way to unwind.

For years, it felt like a supportive presence. A warm embrace at the end of the day. If I felt stressed, I’d smoke. If I wanted to celebrate, I’d smoke. If I was procrastinating, I’d smoke. It became my go-to, my steady companion. But somewhere in my twenties, I started to realize that the relationship wasn’t as balanced as I had thought. What once helped me relax now felt more like something I needed. I wasn’t choosing to smoke—I had to. And yet, even as I became aware of this, I wasn’t ready to let it go.

The Deeper Root: Trauma & Coping
It wasn’t until much later that I began to see the deeper layers of my dependency. Cannabis had given me something I hadn’t realized I was missing: a sense of safety. A mothering presence that was always there when I needed it. When I look back now, I can see how my nervous system adapted to cope with the pain of my childhood. The dyslexia, the abuse, the unspoken struggles—they all lived in my body. Cannabis helped me keep them at bay.
It was through mindfulness and Hakomi that I started to truly understand this. Hakomi, a somatic approach to self-exploration, helped me uncover the unconscious patterns that had shaped my life. It wasn’t just about quitting a habit; it was about learning how that habit had been serving me.
Over the years, I’ve learned that true transformation isn’t just about breaking a habit. It’s about understanding the deeper patterns and giving myself the space to shift them. Practices like mindfulness and somatic exploration, such as Hakomi, helped me recognize how cannabis had become a coping mechanism, rooted in old ways of dealing with discomfort. Rather than relying on willpower, I learned to sit with my emotions, allowing space for growth and healing. It wasn’t about fighting the urge—it was about understanding and releasing it.

The Psychedelic Shift: A New Understanding of Safety
By the time I turned 40, I had done a lot of inner work. I had processed my history of sexual abuse, I had faced many of my shadows, but cannabis was still there. Still calling me back. I decided to approach my dependency differently. Instead of trying to fight it, I would explore it—through a psychedelic journey.
During the preparation process, my guide asked me a question that changed everything: "How is cannabis keeping you safe?"
I sat with that question for days. And then it hit me. Cannabis—Mother Jane—had taken on the role of mother when I was young. She had been there when I needed comfort, when I needed to feel held. She had provided the sense of safety that I had longed for.
Then came the journey. Psychedelics have played a major role in my healing over the years, but this experience was different. For the first time, I didn’t just know that I needed to forgive my mother—I felt it. It wasn’t an idea anymore; it was a deep, embodied experience. A release. A letting go.

Integrating Change: Life After Cannabis
I quit smoking a week before the ceremony, and I never turned back. It wasn’t just about willpower or discipline. It was about no longer needing it.
Of course, the journey didn’t end there. The real work was in the integration—learning how to stay present with my emotions without numbing them. This is where mindfulness and Hakomi became essential. Instead of reaching for cannabis, I learned to sit with discomfort, to listen to what my body was telling me, to trust that I could hold myself in those moments.
Life without cannabis isn’t just about not smoking. It’s about experiencing emotions fully, about finding new ways to unwind and feel safe. And it’s about knowing that, at any point, I have the tools to support myself.

Science & Research: The Role of Psychedelics, Mindfulness & Hakomi in Addiction
Research shows that psychedelics can help rewire the brain and promote neuroplasticity, making deep behavioral change possible. Studies also highlight how mindfulness-based therapies, like Hakomi, can help people recognize and shift unconscious coping mechanisms.

A Journey of Self-Discovery and Change
If you’re feeling inspired by this story and are curious about how psychedelics, mindfulness, and Hakomi could support your own journey, I invite you to reach out. Whether you’re looking to explore your own patterns or simply want to understand how these practices might help you, I’m here to guide you with care and presence.
Take your time, trust the process, and feel free to contact me when you’re ready to learn more.
You can also discover more about Hakomi therapy or explore how Hakomi therapy combined with psychedelics can deepen your journey of self-discovery.